It was a few years ago. I was single and back in the dating game….and, oh, what a hot mess the dating game had become since I was last in it. It seemed like everyone was playing a role and it was nearly impossible to figure what was real and what was not. I certainly didn’t want to make the same mistakes I had made in the past and I was looking for true love in my life this time. Why couldn’t I meet the right person?! What was wrong with me?! Something had to change.

And then, I saw it. A little statement that kicked me in the gut: BE SOMEONE YOU WOULD WANT TO MEET.

Literally, in a moment, it changed everything for me. I stopped sulking and whining about why I wasn’t drawing the right people and situations into my life. I was slapped in the face with the truth….change had to start with ME. What do we look for in a love partner? Someone that we have lots in common with and, often, lots of qualities we admire and aspire to. The person I was wishing to meet was the person that I wanted to be! It was time for me to look at myself in the mirror and figure out if I loved the person that looked back at me. A lot had happened to me over the years (as happens to all of us) and I had adapted, changed, adjusted, evolved, mutated into a compilation of real me mixed with a lot of make-the-world-happy me. How could I expect to find a certain type of person if I wasn’t that caliber of person myself? I wasn’t looking for a free ride…I wanted a partnership and that involved having something of value to bring to the table….a 100% authentic ME.

I see people all the time….I’m sure you have seen it too. Trying to be something they are not. Trying to make themselves something they think will appeal to others. People playing the game. WHY?! Are we winners when we trick another person into thinking we’re something we are not?! Seemed to me that we have two losers in a situation like that.

So, I stopped looking for Mr. Right and started a new mission…to make myself right! I was on a mission to find in myself a person I would want to meet. Anytime and anywhere, when faced with a challenging situation where I was tempted to act or speak in a certain way, I would ask myself first, “What would I think of myself if I stepped outside of my body and saw myself doing/saying that?” The answer always ended up being the “right” thing to do…it was respectful of others and myself. Now, let me be very clear. This process was not about me becoming someone else….it was about becoming the me I had always been, but had buried over the years for fear of being criticized, hurt or judged. The statement “BE SOMEONE YOU WOULD WANT TO MEET” immediately connected me with what was right for me to do based on qualities I value. It wasn’t always easy…but it always felt right.

I realized that it was never primarily about finding someone else with certain desirable qualities…it was about re-discovering those qualities in myself. I did the hard work and I was now someone I was proud to look in the mirror at again. I still wanted to have a special love, but there was no rush to fill any void with something or someone outside of myself.

Guess what happened next? When I least expected it and was no longer dwelling on it…magic! While hiking up a mountain trail alone one March day, sweaty and with no makeup, I suddenly found myself trudging alongside a very dashing and handsome man, quietly and purposefully climbing just like me. There were no pickup lines and witty comments….just two people struggling to get up the hill at their own paces (which happened to be almost the same). At the top of the mountain, we took a moment to savor our accomplishment and started talking….it was the beginning of something very special for me. My dream….I met the man that is the love of my life. I did the work, he did the work, we are both people that we would like to meet and we got our own little beautiful fairytale. It really happens….